Vivi’s:
1st summary
http://literacynet.org/cnnsf/computergirls/home.html
This article shows that girls are not so active in technology as boys, because of the unlike personalities. For example , boys may do things directly; oppositely, girls usually think twice. In addition, boys like to play computer games to imagine that they become(becoming) other roles, but girls don’t like(delete). And these phenomena would lead to the new gender gap. However, the interval would be narrowed when girls' and boys' abilities get(reach) the same level someday.
Suggestion:
1. imagine+ving
2. If you want to use ‘’like”, you should add “it” after it.
3. Reach …level.
2nd summary
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071010/ap_on_he_me/alcoholism_pill;_ylt=AvPZNOBImBFLfyTqPhsxnwbVJRIF
This news talks about a new pill, Topamax(,) which might help alcoholics to reduce their desire of liquor. However, promoting the medicine would face some difficulties. For example, it would cause some aftereffects and we would not know something(what) will happen after stopping taking it. In addition, the researchers did an experiment to observe the result, (plus "which shows that") and(delete) one man had succeeded to quit alcohol. But Topamax still has a few defects that other experts do not agree on(think it’s safe enough) .
Suggestion
1. You should add a comma before “which”.
2. Something is not used in this condition.
3. We can change the sentence into “which shows that one man had succeeded to quit alcohol “ so the reader understand the relationship between this sentence to the one before the comma.
4. “Topamax still has a few defects that other experts do not agree on.”means the other experts don’t think that there are a few defects about the pill. I think what you what to express is that other experts don’t agree on the opinion that every one who take the drug all been successfully treated and doesn’t suffer from the unknown side effects.
1st summary
http://literacynet.org/cnnsf/computergirls/home.html
This article shows that girls are not so active in technology as boys, because of the unlike personalities. For example , boys may do things directly; oppositely, girls usually think twice. In addition, boys like to play computer games to imagine that they become(becoming) other roles, but girls don’t like(delete). And these phenomena would lead to the new gender gap. However, the interval would be narrowed when girls' and boys' abilities get(reach) the same level someday.
Suggestion:
1. imagine+ving
2. If you want to use ‘’like”, you should add “it” after it.
3. Reach …level.
2nd summary
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20071010/ap_on_he_me/alcoholism_pill;_ylt=AvPZNOBImBFLfyTqPhsxnwbVJRIF
This news talks about a new pill, Topamax(,) which might help alcoholics to reduce their desire of liquor. However, promoting the medicine would face some difficulties. For example, it would cause some aftereffects and we would not know something(what) will happen after stopping taking it. In addition, the researchers did an experiment to observe the result, (plus "which shows that") and(delete) one man had succeeded to quit alcohol. But Topamax still has a few defects that other experts do not agree on(think it’s safe enough) .
Suggestion
1. You should add a comma before “which”.
2. Something is not used in this condition.
3. We can change the sentence into “which shows that one man had succeeded to quit alcohol “ so the reader understand the relationship between this sentence to the one before the comma.
4. “Topamax still has a few defects that other experts do not agree on.”means the other experts don’t think that there are a few defects about the pill. I think what you what to express is that other experts don’t agree on the opinion that every one who take the drug all been successfully treated and doesn’t suffer from the unknown side effects.
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